Would you plant a tomato plant hoping for a beautiful, ripe tomato for a sandwich one day, only to not give it the stake it needs? That poor little plant needs the stake in order to thrive.
Would you go to the grocery store or to the mall without wearing a bra? Good for you if you can get by without one, but I'm sure most women would answer "no" to this question.
Would you keep an old bra around that doesn't do its job anymore? I know I've thrown away many that have let me down over the years.
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Making significant changes in life requires support. Often we are the support: our child who got teased at school, our spouse who had a rough day at work, or a friend who is going through a divorce. You are their tomato stake. But you've got to have some tomato stakes around to keep you propped up from time to time, for you to be able to thrive. Without that support, you will droop, fall to the ground, and not be fruitful, like the little tomato plant.
But when you need support, do you ask for it? Maybe you do. But do you get the support you need? Do the people who you say are supporting you actually providing it to you in a way that feeds your soul, helps your issues, or keeps you motivated?
It's important to ask for support during any challenge you have, whether it be school, divorce, death in the family, weight loss, or even just a tough week ahead because you're really busy. Support makes the job easier: knowing you have back-up gives just enough of a push for a person to keep going. And "keeping going" is a big part of life. But getting the right kind of support is also key.
I'm not motivated by someone saying "Should you be doing that?" or "Are you sure that's alright?" It actually angers me. I'm an adult, I can do what I want, right? The fastest way for me to plow through a big bag of M&M's is to tell me I shouldn't be eating any of them: I'll eat the whole darn bag just to show you I can! Eating the entire bag may not be the best solution, nor is it the one that will benefit me most. What I have come to realize is that it is much less time consuming, less effort-draining, and less irritating to just tell the people from whom I get my support exactly the kind of support I need from them. Like trying on new bras, I buy the one that does the job I'm asking it to do.
And sometimes one type of support doesn't work for every situation. For me, school required a different kind of support than the type of support I've needed to lose weight. With school, the kids had to be taken back and forth, helped with homework, and taken to activities because I couldn't be there (Thanks, Mom, for doing these things and more!). With weight loss, I just needed to be told I could do it. I knew I could, but to be told I was doing well was all I needed, along with being "allowed" to eat that entire bag of M&M's if I wanted.
But what if things change over time (whether it be a day or months or years)? It's time for a new bra! Telling a part (or all) of your support system that you need to be provided a new kind of support is OK. Whether a situation changes (you moved, you had a child, or you got a new job) that required significant changes to your method of support or you just decide one day that you don't want to eat your way through a bag of M&M's again, you have the ability to get new support. That doesn't mean that if your spouse is enabling you to eat what you want so desperately to avoid that you get rid of them. It means that you sit down and have a conversation about what you need. People aren't mind readers: don't assume they know what you need, especially if what you need changes.
I couldn't have gotten this far in life without my support. I have "go to" support for every situation. I have support that I know will do whatever I need it to do and lift me up when I need it most. I have specific support for special situations. I even have support that makes me look better than I feel like I do. Find whatever support you need and make sure it is working for you in the way in which you need it. You will feel better, perform better, and whatever it is that is supporting you will be more effective, too.
And on a side note....here's why I love Weight Watchers: I ate a 14 oz bag of M&M's two weeks in a row and still lost weight. ;)
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