Every girl needs a good bra

Would you plant a tomato plant hoping for a beautiful, ripe tomato for a sandwich one day, only to not give it the stake it needs?  That poor little plant needs the stake in order to thrive.  


Would you go to the grocery store or to the mall without wearing a bra?  Good for you if you can get by without one, but I'm sure most women would answer "no" to this question. 


Would you keep an old bra around that doesn't do its job anymore?  I know I've thrown away many that have let me down over the years.  


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Making significant changes in life requires support.  Often we are the support: our child who got teased at school, our spouse who had a rough day at work, or a friend who is going through a divorce.  You are their tomato stake.  But you've got to have some tomato stakes around to keep you propped up from time to time, for you to be able to thrive.  Without that support, you will droop, fall to the ground, and not be fruitful, like the little tomato plant.


But when you need support, do you ask for it?  Maybe you do.  But do you get the support you need?  Do the people who you say are supporting you actually providing it to you in a way that feeds your soul, helps your issues, or keeps you motivated?  


It's important to ask for support during any challenge you have, whether it be school, divorce, death in the family, weight loss, or even just a tough week ahead because you're really busy.  Support makes the job easier: knowing you have back-up gives just enough of a push for a person to keep going.  And "keeping going" is a big part of life.  But getting the right kind of support is also key. 


I'm not motivated by someone saying "Should you be doing that?" or "Are you sure that's alright?"  It actually angers me.  I'm an adult, I can do what I want, right?  The fastest way for me to plow through a big bag of M&M's is to tell me I shouldn't be eating any of them: I'll eat the whole darn bag just to show you I can!  Eating the entire bag may not be the best solution, nor is it the one that will benefit me most.  What I have come to realize is that it is much less time consuming, less effort-draining, and less irritating to just tell the people from whom I get my support exactly the kind of support I need from them.  Like trying on new bras, I buy the one that does the job I'm asking it to do.  


And sometimes one type of support doesn't work for every situation.  For me, school required a different kind of support than the type of support I've needed to lose weight.  With school, the kids had to be taken back and forth, helped with homework, and taken to activities because I couldn't be there (Thanks, Mom, for doing these things and more!).  With weight loss, I just needed to be told I could do it.  I knew I could, but to be told I was doing well was all I needed, along with being "allowed" to eat that entire bag of M&M's if I wanted. 


But what if things change over time (whether it be a day or months or years)?  It's time for a new bra!  Telling a part (or all) of your support system that you need to be provided a new kind of support is OK.  Whether a situation changes (you moved, you had a child, or you got a new job) that required significant changes to your method of support or you just decide one day that you don't want to eat your way through a bag of M&M's again, you have the ability to get new support. That doesn't mean that if your spouse is enabling you to eat what you want so desperately to avoid that you get rid of them.  It means that you sit down and have a conversation about what you need.  People aren't mind readers: don't assume they know what you need, especially if what you need changes.  


I couldn't have gotten this far in life without my support.  I have "go to" support for every situation.  I have support that I know will do whatever I need it to do and lift me up when I need it most.  I have specific support for special situations.  I even have support that makes me look better than I feel like I do.  Find whatever support you need and make sure it is working for you in the way in which you need it. You will feel better, perform better, and whatever it is that is supporting you will be more effective, too.  


And on a side note....here's why I love Weight Watchers: I ate a 14 oz bag of M&M's two weeks in a row and still lost weight.  ;)

Exercise is a "four-letter word"

I really hate exercise.  Really, really, I hate the word exercise.  When I hear the word I want no part in it, what it means, or for what it stands.  


I really love activity.  Really, really, I love the word activity.  When I hear the word I want to be it, do it, and I love for what it stands.  


You see, exercise is a "four-letter word", but activity will get me out of the door every time.  


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Sometimes to encourage yourself to do something you just have to name it something else.  When we were in school, if the teacher said, "Let's go sweat to death outside!" you would have run screaming to the nurse's station faking a belly-ache.  But if she had said it was time for recess, you couldn't have gotten out of the door fast enough to beat your friends to the best swing on the playground.  


Admit, it really was the same thing, but because a more palatable word was used, you were much more willing to do it.  


It's just like that now for me as a grown-up.  The thought of exercise gives me a belly-ache, but activity makes me want to get outside or on a treadmill and enjoy myself.  


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As you know, I'm doing the Weight Watchers program.  They are the one's who taught me this magical word, activity.  I know activity and exercise are really the same thing, but activity just sounds so much better.  Active sounds productive.  "Exercise" just sounds like you're trying to get rid of a pea-soup-spitting-demon-possessed little girl.  


So what constitutes "activity"?  Anything.  Everything.  Here are just a few things I have logged (and yes, I log everything I eat and every activity I do) as activity since beginning WW last year:


Walking
Jogging
Walking the dog
Swimming laps
Bicycling
Stationary bike
Playing with the kids in the yard
Playing with the kids in the house
Chasing a toddler
Shopping for more than an hour
Elliptical
Stairclimbers
Cybex machines
Weight lifting
Cleaning out my basement
Cleaning my bathrooms
Cleaning the kitchen
(OK, any cleaning activity, because I hate and logging it makes me more motivated to do it)
Dancing
Wii Just Dance
Wii Fit
Zumba
Nautilus machines
Bootcamp
Running
Going to Six Flags
Yard work
Mowing the lawn
......the list goes on and on.


I've found my favorites are the Cybex elliptical, bootcamp, Zumba, and nautilus.  They give me the maximum amount of activity in the least amount of time.  


You have to find what speaks to you.  If you hate running, like I do, don't do it.  If you have two left feet, don't do Zumba.  Actually, strike that - I have two left feet and I adore Zumba.  Don't be afraid to try something - anything - you think might appeal to you.  Find a buddy to encourage you if it will help. 


I wish I had gotten active right out of the gate when starting WW.  I didn't start any sort of activity until June 1, 2011.  But this is definitely another story for another day.....

Badges of honor

"Mom, what's that hanging from your arms?"


"Huh?"


"Mom, c'mon, you have to know what I'm talking about.  It looks awful.  It's on the back part of your upper arm.  It just hangs there.  Gross......!"


"Oooohhhh...... you mean my 'batwings'?  I'm very proud of those, thanks for noticing."


"Mom, you are sooooo weird...."


(As I write this, my husband is reading over my shoulder.  His comment as he flaps his arms like a bird: "Look at me, I'm a beautiful butterfly!  Look at me flap my wings, far away from the fat caterpillar I was!" )


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Part of losing a large amount of weight is dealing with certain elasticity issues.  At first, I was pretty bothered by this, but I now see my "batwings" as another example of progress.  Embracing flaws is important.  And I have many, but physical flaws created by my weight loss aren't flaws at all: they are improvements.  Or maybe they could be called mile-markers.  Or gauges.  Or badges of honor.  


I prefer to think of my "batwings" as badges of honor.  And I wear them with pride and in honor of my family and friends.  Yes, it's me who has decided what food to eat and what exercising to do, but it is the support of my family and friends that has gotten me this far.  And it is that same support that will ensure my long-term success.  


I'm hoping some day my "elasticity issues" take care of themselves.  If not, there may be surgical options, but I am hoping this won't be the case.  But I know if that is what has to be that I have the support of the most wonderful people.  


So I'd like to take a moment to give thanks:


To my husband: Thank you for giving me unconditional love and support and making this journey more fun than I have a right for it to be.  And sharing your pizza with me; even when I shouldn't eat it but really want it.  And so I do.  And you don't judge me; you smile, willing to share.  


For Trey (my oldest son): Thank you for keeping me accountable to me.  You may be taller now, but I love that you still know I'm your mom and I can still take you down.  


For Anna (my only daughter): Thank you for helping me cook and helping me remember that deep down, I'm still just a girl.  I just have more responsibility now.  I hope you don't have the weight struggle I have had.  But if you do, I'm here for you and am happy to help you in any way I can.  


For Nathan (my second son):  Thank you for being you.  I know you're only five, but you have made me laugh more in your short five years than most people I've known for five times that amount.  And thanks for being the first to tell me my "batwings" were awesome!


For Gabriel (my last baby): Thank you for being so sweet and cuddly and funny.  Thank you for not wanting to eat what I feed you most days and instead wanting the food on my plate.  I'm sure that's helped me lose weight, too.  


For my mom: I'm speechless.  I really don't know what to say.  So I will just say I'm glad God gave me to you so long ago.  He knew we'd be good together.


For my other family and friends: Thank you for all your kind words and support.  I'm so lucky to know such wonderful people and I thank God for all of you every day. 


Ok....now I'll quit my Oscar speech.......and wear my badges of honor with pride.  

So how have I lost the weight, you ask....?

Two weeks after having my fourth baby (late January 2011), I was seeing a lot of Weight Watchers commercials on TV.  They taunted me.  Dared me.  "C'mon, you can do it this time....really you can. *snicker giggle giggle hardy-har-har*."  I had never tried Weight Watchers.  Of all the diets out there, this was the one I hadn't done.  


To quote myself, "Why did I 'weight' so long?"  


I joined the monthly program and starting going to the Saturday 7:00AM meetings and I've never looked back.  I hear a lot of the people at meetings say they're back or they're on their 5th try, etc.  This blows me away: if it's working for me the first time, why doesn't it work for them the first time, too? 


I can't speak for anyone else, but I can speak for myself.  It works because it's livable.  But mostly because I have adopted a philosophy that this is a lifestyle not a diet and I will NOT go back.  I eat whatever I want.  Really!  Not to say I swim in a tub of macaroni and cheese completely oblivious to what it will do to my thighs.  But more that if I want a food, I eat it in moderation.  Or I adjust how it's made (less fat or less of a rich ingredient).  Or I just steer clear of the "bad stuff" all together.


It's funny that I still call it that - the "bad stuff" - even though on Weight Watchers no food is off limits or "bad".  It's sort of like a curse word: the word itself isn't bad, it's the meaning or reason put behind it that gives it its power.  


I have given food a lot of power over my lifetime.  I can't lie, it still has power over me.  I've been a food sneaker my entire life (another story for another day).  I continue to be a food sneaker.  


My success on WW is because of two things: I track every ounce of food I put in my mouth and I exercise like a fiend and track every minute (I'll come back to these things soon).  


So that's how I've done it, in a teeny-tiny nutshell.  I'm excited to share the journey with anyone, so here's to more writing......on another day.  


http://www.weightwatchers.com

In my opening, I referenced a story I promised to tell.  Here's the story:


The university where I completed my degree this year is about an hour from my house. Usually, I listen to music and sing, maybe dance a bit (well, as much "dancing" as you can do while driving.....it's more of a wiggle), and occasionally act like a grown-up and listen to the news.  


One morning, I was driving to class and my neck itched a bit.  So I scratched.  And then I flew into a panic: there was a really hard bump just below and to the right of my neck.  I freaked out.  "Great! I'm finally trying to get myself into shape and now I've got cancer.  Really??!??"  


I drink coffee in the morning and I guess I'd either had too much, which sent my thoughts scurrying.  Or maybe I hadn't had enough and just wasn't awake yet.  Whatever the case, I pretty freaked out.  


I rubbed the bump again.  "What in the world is that?" I thought.  Suddenly, the left side of my neck itched.  So I scratched that side.  The same bump was there!  


Wait.  


What?


Really?!?


You're kidding??!!??


I HAVE COLLAR BONES!!!!  Yeehaw!!!!


Having heard that other people broke collar bones and since I had completed an entire semester in Anatomy and Physiology, I knew collar bones existed.  But I couldn't remember the last time I knew I had them too!  What a revelation!


After my discovery, it was difficult to collect myself.  Between my laughter for being dumbfounded at my new discovery and the sheer joy I felt, I found it a challenge to stay on the road.  To keep everyone safe, I pulled over to the side of the road and laughed until I cried.  Eventually, I was able to get back on the road and make it to class on time.  


At this point in my weight-loss journey, many people had made comments about how I looked, how much weight I'd lost, and how proud they were of me.  But this was the first real affirmation I had noticed personally.  


Since my discovery, my collar bones are even more pronounced.  I admire them.  Quite honestly, they fascinate me.  Probably because I hadn't seen them in so long: they had been covered by all my extra "layers" for so many years.  


My collar bones are a measurement of how far I've come.  I've lost a lot of sizes, inches, pounds, etc.  But those are things I can't really remember having, even though they are significant indicators of my progress.  I know what size I was (32 at my largest, if you must know) and how many pounds and inches I've lost.  But my collar bones stare me in the face every time I look in the mirror.  They glare at me.  It's great!  


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What's your "collar bone"?  What helps you measure your success?  Pounds and sizes are stressful.  They are also how society says we should measure our weight-loss success.  I challenge you to find a new measurement for your success.  I'm not saying pounds and inches and sizes aren't important, but they may not be what keeps you focused or motivated.  Finding something you can hold onto, that keeps you grounded, will ensure greater success.  When I feel down about a weigh-in because I gained or didn't lose as much as I thought I should, I look in the mirror and see my collar bones.  They seem to tell me, "You've come a long way.  I will be there to keep you going, to keep you focused, and to remind you what you've accomplished to find me."


Find your "collar bone".  You never know - it might be staring you in the face right now telling you exactly what you need to hear.  

See if you can relate to this story....

You walk into a restaurant for lunch or dinner and the hostess gathers menus and rolled utensils.  You watch as this tiny little thing (she might be 20 and might weigh 100 pounds) easily maneuvers between tables and around chairs (who puts chairs and tables so close together, leaving tiny spaces for people to walk?).  You can feel your stomach, once hungry, now empty and turning somersaults as you try to navigate the sea of furniture.  The fear of bumping into an innocent patron, forcing them forward and jabbing the back of their throat with a forkful of food sends you reeling. What to do?  Do you follow the same path as the hostess and hope for the best?  Do you make an excuse to go to the bathroom before heading to the table?  Do you fake a fall so everyone clears the way for you?  Or yell "FIRE!" and wait for the clearing?

Or what about this one......?

You see a crowd of people and you know you'll have to wade through them.  OK, fine.  No problem - "Excuse me.....excuse me....excuse me...." I never had a problem with being polite, but apparently other people's mama's never told them that fat people don't have cooties.  Amazing how wide a berth people give a big person, all in the name of "don't touch me".  What is this, the playground in 2nd grade?   

These are just a few of the spatial challenges I have had.  Someone who is thin, or not morbidly obese like I was, probably wouldn't have noticed these situations.  While I never dwelt on them, they happened more frequently than I ever cared.  Funny though....they never seemed as obvious to me as they do now.....

I guess I'm more aware of those things happening now because they don't anymore.   Each time I walk into a place with tight spaces, I am more aware of how little space I don't take up anymore.  It's a great check on my progress and an incredible motivator.  

Motivation is a lot of what weight loss needs. I have many motivators.  This one is relatively new because it came after so much of a weight loss.  And I like it.  

Each person has to find their own motivator.  This is just one of mine.  As I continue this blog, I'm sure more of mine will come to light.  But some that were there in the beginning are no longer as motivating or even necessary at all.  Like life, motivators change.  Find your motivator, whatever it is it's OK.  It's personal.  Only you have to know.  Or you can share with people you care about.  Maybe it's a person who motivates you.  Most importantly, you have to find what speaks to YOU. Doing what others think you should do won't sustain you. I've tried to do that, too.  It doesn't work.  I promise.  

Before I began this blog, I knew I wanted to post a "before" picture of me. In doing so, I learned just how big I was: I didn't even want my picture taken.  It was very difficult to find any pictures of me.  And if I could, there was usually a strategically placed kid with my firm grasp on their shoulder to ensure they stay put.  It makes me sad: according to pictures, I barely exist in my kids' lives.

But not anymore.  Now I have many pictures with the kids and the only reason they are in front of me is because I'm still taller (well, taller than two of the four).  There are even pictures of me and my sweet hubby, or me and one of the kids, or --gasp-- just me!  There are probably more pictures  taken of me in the last six months than I've had taken in the last 15 years.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words.  I agree.  My "before" pictures reveal the insecurity I always said I didn't have, the pain I said didn't bother me, the shame I swept under the rug, and the fun I was missing.  My "after (although I'm still not at my goal)" pictures reveal a new confidence: confidence that the path I have chosen to make better choices and increase my quality of life have been the right ones.

The last few years have held many changes personally: job loss, going back to school, getting divorced, getting remarried, having a baby, getting more involved at church, graduating from school, raising kids, and so much more. The last few years have held many changes physically: weight gain (I reached 345 pounds), having a baby (although I didn't gain during this time, but it's amazing the havoc a fourth pregnancy does to the body), and losing more than 130 pounds.

As each day unfolds, I find something new about being thinner.  For example, I didn't know I had collarbones (well, I knew, but I never really knew they were there.  This is a story for later), necklaces aren't supposed to be chokers, rings shouldn't make your fingers turn purple, and "batwings" are badges of honor (another story for another day).

While my physical transformation is evident to most people, my inner transformation is what I am most proud.  I finally feel like the person I've always wanted to be.  My weight was my fortress; a fortress strong enough to change what was happening on the inside.  A fortress strong enough to keep the people closest to me away and strangers even farther.  But now the fortress has opened its gates and the drawbridge has been lowered.  Why haven't I knocked the walls of the fortress down completely?  Because I still have much to learn in this journey of being smaller.  Opening the gates is an invitation and the drawbridge allows limited access.  While I know so much about me has changed, there is still a small part of me who wants to crank the chains and pull the drawbridge up. But from what I can tell, the bridge is down for good.  I am truly comfortable with letting people in and I like how that feels.

So now the real question - Why did I wait so long? Time? Money? Kids? Job? I don't have any of those things, except for kids.  The kids were a big motivator for me to begin this transformation (physical and emotional/mental), but I know the true motivator was me.  I was the only thing standing in my way.  I was the only person standing in my way.  I was the only excuse standing in my way.  But no more - I am the reason I have succeeded and I am the reason I will continue to succeed.  A few years ago I couldn't have said that; it sounded so conceited.  But it's true - I am the problem and the solution.  There is no more "waiting" in my life.  I take charge, I make changes, and I control my destiny.  I was the reason I waited....and the reason I "weight-ed".




I plan to use this blog to track my observations, provide insight, post goofy stuff my kids say about me (there's LOTS of that), and hopefully inspire at least one person to find it within themselves to make the changes in their life that are necessary for them to become the person they truly want to be, whether that be a physical or emotional change.  I'm not a guru, just a woman on a journey.  A journey I waited too long to begin.  A journey on which I have learned much.  A journey on which I will always learn.

(And since I finally found a picture of me alone - my wedding day last year - I thought I should post it.  I'm amazed at how much I've changed since then.  I hardly recognize myself).